If you had to take Piers Morgan's fleshy, jowly, pink and provocative essence and distill it into one 'casual' outfit, what would it be?
One outfit that truly represents what it means to be Piers Morgan. To wake up in a bed that is far too soft and realise at the breaking of each new day that you are Piers Morgan, now and forever. That you are Piers and you wear pyjamas at the age of 52 and you have a separate cupboard for cheeseboards.
If you had you had to pick one outfit, you'd pick this one, wouldn't you?
This is a true depiction of downtime Morgan. We were under the impression that the last time a black dress shirt was purchased with legitimate currency was some time in 1996. Yet the night is dark and full of terrors and here we have it: Piers Morgan in what has to be considered the high-water mark of unflattering dad style.
Why, Piers? Whyyyyyy?
It's everything you've come to fear about dressing as a middle-aged man. The pointy shoes; the Year 8 school trousers; the untucked black shirt with the open neck. It's Piers stood in front of the mirror saying softly under his breath: "One button or two?" And opting for two. Why has he opted for two?
Black poplin shirts, particularly in high summer, are a bad shirt choice; even if your stomach is as flat as Piers' dinnertime conversation. They're shiny (and that's before the whole sweat issue), they're unflattering and they come attached with this strange air of sleaziness. A sort of hex that makes the wearer, no matter who, look like they've just bribed a council over planning permission for a new casino.
Black shirts in flannel or heavy cord in winter are fine, but any shirt that you can almost make out your reflection in should be avoided at all costs. Or better yet, burned.
Just stand well clear from the fire when you're doing it, those polyester flames can really travel.