Burn your Breton, cast aside your seersucker. Take a ferry to the grey outer reaches of the Shetland Islands, that harsh archipelago of myth and cloud lurking in the North Sea. Drown your linen in those steel waters; your breathable wools and light canvas . It is autumn and they are dead. Your bronzed ankles are of no use here.
Now that we can finally stop play acting at summer dressing, it's time to get down to the proper rain-slicked business of autumn. A season for transition jackets, warm colours and gleefully cancelled plans.
"But buying coats and all that is expensive!" You shriek (cold and alone) from the deck of your Shetland longboat... Wrong! We're here to show you how to do the whole lot for £200.
The Jacket
While you could easily cut out the middle man and head straight for your winter overcoat, autumn has a sneaky habit of throwing an Indian summer curve ball in between all those dreary, dreary days, which is why we'd suggest outerwear on the lighter (still warm) side that can then be used as a layering piece once actual winter sets in.
In the name of versatility (you don't want to hate your jacket after 10 wears), grey, navy or olive will go with everything in your autumn wardrobe. And if not, why not?
When it comes to style, track jackets are having a 'Moment' right now, but a classic bomber in jersey or not-shiny-waterproof nylon is just as good (will layer better in winter, too). Otherwise you can opt for a black denim (or cord) jacket, or a hooded parka/mac... for the more weather-worried amongst you.
Can you tell we like jackets?
Classic Jacket, £75 by Rains, endclothing.com
Paper Cotton Coach Jacket, £65 by MKI, mkistore.com
Jersey Zip-Up Jacket, £55 by COS, cosstores.com
The Top
If you're already luxuriating in the fine threads of a burgundy roll neck, fending off advances from man, woman and horse, then we applaud you. If, like us, it's still not quite cold enough to bury your neck in merino or the next six months, then we'd recommend a neutral-palette shirt in flannel, cord, flecked wool or heavy drill cotton. Or a jumper in light-ish jersey or wool. Just don't go too Bon Iver, lumberjack in Portland with the whole thing.
By that we mean, no mustard and blue plaid shirts.
Melange Jersey Top, £35 by COS, cosstores.com
Stand Collar Long Sleeve Flannel Shirt, £24.90 by Uniqlo, uniqlo.com
Flannel Shirt Regular Fit, £19.99 by H&M, hm.com
The Trousers
Sure, you could wear straight-leg black jeans with everything here and look wonderful, but if you're looking for something a little more daring and razzamatazz (and who isn't?) then pinstripes, side stripes and corduroy are three of the BIG TROUSER TRENDS to look out for this A/W, and will make it seem like you definitely know what you're doing when you put one leg and then the other through your trousers in the morning.
We've done a proper guide to the whole thing if you're looking for more detail. If that's all too much for you, then remember these key points.
1.) They should fit you.
2.) If you're going for pattern or print, then the rest of your outfit should be as neutral as possible.
3.) Stay safe out there.
Trevor Pant, £65 by Carhartt, endclothing.com
Superstar Cuffed Track Pants £49.95 by adidas, adidas.co.uk
Navy Pinstripe Cropped Smart Joggers, £35 by Topman, topman.com
The Trainers
In the name of all things budget, we've had to forgo derbies, boots and other more heavy-duty or formal styles for now, which isn't to say that your trainers can't do a stylish, all-round job this autumn.
Rather than being that guy who clings on to white canvas and bare ankles for a month too long, know when to end a good thing and switch over to black or darker styles. A heads-up: gum rubber soles are on-trend right now, and for goodness sake don't ignore us and spend £40 on a pair of tan brogues made out of plastic and sadness.
Nike Classic Cortez Nylon Premium, £65, endclothing.com
Vans Old Skool, £55, endclothing.com
Novesta Star Master, £49, endclothing.com