Champions League cliché watch

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You can bet ITV's Clive Tyldesley has been thumbing through his big book of cliches ahead of tonight's Champions League final between Manchester United and Barcelona in Rome. For all those who don't really care who wins, we present a list of puns to tick off while the action unfolds at the Stadio Olimpico.

 

Tokyo, London, Manchester. Now all roads lead to Rome – United’s multi-national quest for honours reaches its conclusion tonight… (opening gambit after handover from the studio to the commentary box)

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European football’s elite gladiators enter the coliseum… (the players walk out of the tunnel)

 

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and Fergie’s empire wasn’t either – the Scot has been emperor at Old Trafford for 23 glorious, trophy-laden years… (camera pans onto the United bench)

 

Rome sweet home, at least it will be for Sir Alex Ferguson tonight if he can claim a third Champions League trophy tonight… (aerial shot of the Olympic Stadium)

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Messi is known as The Flea, will this be one flea that bites United tonight?... (cameraman goes down the line of Barcelona players, stopping on the Argentinean wing wizard)

 

The Barcelona Circus Maximus is in town, and they've been getting used to making clowns of their opponents ever since ringmaster Pep Guardiola took control of the Catalan big top last summer. Tonight however, he'll be concentrating all his efforts on taming the lions of Manchester United… (footage of the Barcelona team warming up before kick-off)

 

No doubt Rome's founding fathers Romulus and Remus will be watching the progress of two other names looking to make a lasting mark on this great city - Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi… (at kick off)

 

What sort of Pep talk will the Barca coach be giving in the dressing room at halftime?... (lingering shot of Guardiola disappearing down the tunnel at the break with the score locked at 0-0)

 

Manchester United's legions of fans have amassed at the gates of the Stadio Olimpico in Rome tonight on a quest to return with Europe's greatest prize and make history in the city where history itself began… (panning shot of the Man United end of the ground midway through a dull second half)

 

Now it's a question of which five players the two coaches will feed to the lions... (It's 0-0 after extra-time and the two managers debate their list of penalty takers)

 

It’s Jonny on the spot… (late United substitute Jonny Evans prepares to take a penalty in the shootout)

 

And all of Manchester is hoping that this Jonny will be good… (he misses)

 

The United boss has suffered the ultimate fit of Pique… (Former Man United centre back Gerard Pique slots the deciding penalty for Barcelona)

 

Fergie’s Roman Empire is in ruins… (The Barca team run round the Olympic Stadium with the cup hoisted aloft)