A few weeks back, I wrote a rant about oversized men wearing undersized vests. The response was mixed. One chap suggested I was just jealous that I didn’t have “the guns” to pull one off. Fair point well made.
Another (a particularly verbose friend of mine) suggested that "vests have long been the Modus operandi of men in warmer climes. [The vest] is alone in its ability to keep you cool in the heat and warm under a shirt when it's cold". Irritated as I was by this, I had to admit he had a point. In the right environment - the surface of the sun or the interior of a volcano, for instance - or on the right person - a toddler - a vest can prove a practical item of clothing.
A garment which, whatever the scenario, can never be called practical, passable, acceptable or understandable on the other hand is a smart trouser with an elasticated cuff.
A hybrid creation in the same league as the trainer-brogue (trogues), trainer wedges (tredges) or jean leggings (jeggings) a pair of cuffed trousers (I could christen them crousers, but I’ll resist) says of their wearer "I have profoundly questionable taste, I don’t understand what clothes are and I wish I could wear tracksuit bottoms all the time. Like Natalie Cassidy."
Introduced by certain brands over the past few seasons, in what I can only assume is a noble effort to get those inclined toward casual wear into more tailored-looking attire, a cuffed trouser – most commonly sold in a deeply unflattering ‘carrot cut’ – lends its wearer the look of a giant, un-potty trained baby.
Let’s be clear, I’m not dissing cuffs in general. A well-appointed turn-up at the base of a pair of chinos or jeans – or on a pair of slim-cut suit trousers for that matter, can look elegant and understated. Elasticated cuffs, on the other hand, are the stuff of Mothercare and Sports Direct. So unless you fancy looking like you’re going through the rigours of pregnancy or you’ve just nipped to the office in your gym kit (your boss won’t take kindly to your elasticated cuffs either, I assure you) I’d advise you steer clear.
I’m not dissing comfort either. My wardrobe is all about being as easy and relaxed as possible, but attempting to wear the monstrous inbred bastard of an abusive marriage between trouser and jogger is not the way to achieve comfort. Instead, opt for a slightly looser trouser with a taper in a light fabric such as hopsack or a silk and cotton mix (just be sure to avoid anything with a sheen). Or, if the look is smarter, go for a soft wool with a slightly fuller leg, a taper and a sharp crease down the front.
The moral of this rant? Anything apportioned the hybrid moniker has a tendency to be a bit naff. Except maybe for Cars. And ligers. Oh and maybe zonkeys. And shackets. But that's about it. So please, do us all a favour and stick to normal sodding trousers. Unless of course you are pregnant or you happen to be Ms Cassidy, in which case please carry on.