Style Mistakes: Top Five Woman Repellers

Our fashion director Catherine Hayward reveals the fashion mistakes guaranteed to make the opposite sex run a mile

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You’ve heard of ManRepeller.com, right?

The hilarious fashion blog by New Yorker Leandra Medine who describes a man repeller as "she who outfits herself in sartorially offensive mode, which may result in repelling members of the opposite sex".

Well, here at Esquire Towers, we are nothing if not magnanimous. So in the interests of gender equality, we thought it only fair to pen our own woman repeller list for your perusal.

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Last week, we gave you 5 labels to get excited about in 2014. But this week, we fancied a bit of a change: so here are 5 style scenarios that may result in repelling womankind this year.

 

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When actor Michael Douglas donned a V- neck sweater for the nightclub scene in 1992’s Basic Instinct, female audiences weren’t swooning. We giggled. Here was a man about to seduce his ‘fuck of the century’ co-star Sharon Stone and he decided to wear a v-veck. In green. With nothing underneath it. Euurgh! Not only was the offending item a tad tight for a middle aged man, the offending V was also far too low so way too much skin was on show. Including stray chest hairs peeping over the top. Double euurgh. Fellow abusers of the V: See Russell Brand (above) and Razorlight’s Johnny Borrell.

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A recent re-run of Louis Theroux’s documentary series Weird Weekends followed a group of American body builders and their supposed use of muscle enhancing steroids. Unfortunately, close-up shots of these over-developed he-men had a group of us girls rushing for the collective sick bowl. Not the reaction these guys were going for, I’m sure.

Now we’re not saying we don’t like a bit of bulk. Everything in moderation, as my dinner lady used to say. But this body dysmorphia - and it pains me to say this - tends to afflict men of the vertically-challenged variety. As if an Incredible Hulk chest size will make up for the lack of inches in height. (Not to mention the shrinkage of other body parts. But that’s another story.) If being below 5’6 works for powerful men like Napoleon, Sarkozy, Dudley Moore, Tom Cruise, Prince and, er, Jamie Cullum, then banish those acne-inducing steroids and embrace the cuban heel. No woman wants a partner with a bosom that’s bigger than hers.


Yeah, we know you’re not likely to get one of these, but we’re a little nervous about a certain film that seems to be very popular amongst you menfolk at the moment. Yes, that’s right: American Hustle starring Bradley Cooper’s frightening hair-do. So alarming is his barnet that this year’s Golden Globes hosts Tiny Fey and Amy Poehler described it as ‘an explosion at the wig factory’. Please don’t be fooled by Mr. Cooper’s current popularity amongst womankind. No amount of flattering publicity shots of Bradley with co-star Amy Adams or paparazzi shots with his hot model girlfriend Suki Waterhouse should convince you that hair of this kind is acceptable. Ever. Even in humid climates. (Frizz Ease is really good, by the way.)


I realise we have mentioned this shoe thing before and, being a style magazine, we may be a little more sensitive to the issue than most, but c’mon guys, there’s an epidemic out there and it’s not pretty.

Day after day, week after week, we see men on escalators; in trains; on platforms; pounding the pavements in pointed shoes. And not only are these toes pointed, they curl upwards like Aladdin’s slippers.

Don’t you look in the shop mirrors when you’re buying your shoes? Can’t you see what’s happening in the toe department when you dress in the morning? If we wanted to see curly toed shoes, we’d watch reruns of I Dream of Jeannie and marvel at the funny costume changes. Now class, do I make myself clear?


Hmmm, the clue is in the name here. If you’re a valiant soldier serving in the armed forces, then look away now as this certainly doesn’t apply to you, obvs. But, if you’re shuffling along your high street carrying a plastic bag, wearing a pair of non descript trainers and washed out combat pants, then we have one word for you: Why?

I bet you’re wearing a fleece as well. Sloppy, unkempt dress is bad enough but trying to ‘up the ante’ in some combats is, well, a bit sad, isn’t it? Context, of course, is everything. If you’ve just finished your weekly boot camp training and you’re  popping out to get a pint of milk, then we forgive you. But only just. There are other trouser options out there. You can always read Esquire.