A new home for Keith?

I share a house with my goldfish, Keith, who has become a source of constant worry to me. Having got him what I was sure was a perfectly nice bowl with filter, a pair of ornamental bridges and some fake shrubbery, I thought he'd be delighted at moving into such a luxurious environment. Hell, I even taped a full-page magazine advert for the Seychelles to the back of his bowl, thinking it might make him feel more tropical.

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Sadly, it seems my efforts have amounted to nought. On a recent visit to my local aquarium shop to look for a couple of pals for Keith and perhaps a fake treasure chest to add to his aquatic lair, I was informed that not only is his bowl too small, it also causes him stress due the fact its roundness amplifies sound.

Now, Keith seems to have perfected that look that Collies use to make humans feel bad about themselves. It's a look that says, 'It's all very well dropping flakes of food in here every morning, but why don't you either clean me or get me a better bowl?'

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So, when a press release popped into my inbox about  a new generation of customisable wall mounted aquariums that require no assembly, minimal fuss and are so slim, at a mere 14cm thick, that they won’t take up precious space, I sat up and took notice.

Aquavista UK aquariums, the press release claimed, can be personalised with interchangeable frames and backgrounds (we went for the one above) and fill an area where a flat-screen TV might ordinarily go. Better still, they insist that "in-built technical wizardry ensures that your fish are kept in pristine and temperate conditions." Keith, pack your bridges and fake shrubbery, you're moving up the property ladder.

Aquavista 500, £299.99, www.aquavistauk.co.uk