How To Turn Water Into Wine

No, not with prayer – a mind-boggling new kitchen device

Non-believers, prepare to have your atheism rattled.

The coolest story in the entire bible has come true (OK, maybe the creation of the universe comes close): you can now turn water into wine.

Looking like a bit like a tagine made for space, the ‘Miracle Machine’ is a kitchen device that requires only water, a sachet of ingredients and around three days to ferment before it transforms into a bottle of plonk. You can even pick the grape.

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We know what you’re thinking. Just because a substance is ‘technically’ wine, it doesn’t mean it isn’t, to all intents and purposes, vinegar. Just ask your home brew happy Granddad. Or Blossom Hill.

But the men behind the Jesus-impersonating machine have strong credentials, and they promise it’ll taste just fine.

Philip James, a founding CEO of the Lot18 wine site, and Kevin Boyer, an internationally recognised sommelier, claim in their slightly awkward promotional video that ‘even they can’t tell the difference’.

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The Miracle is still in the funding phase and will cost you £299 – that’s roughly 20 bottles of what you’d happily drink in the house – but if it works, you should make that back in no time. The partners in wine claims that your ROI is wine as good quality as a £15 bottle, for every £1.20 you spend.

Convinced? We haven’t tasted it yet, but as with anything this biblically ridiculous, believing is a leap faith.

We look forward the future technology allowing us to walk on water, rise from the dead and experience an immaculate conception. Actually, scrap that last one.

What do you think?

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