So the UK government has given the green light for driverless cars to hit the streets in 2015. That means being driven around by a computer while you sit in the back like a chump. It’ll only be a limited roll out but it’s a slippery slope – it might not be long before these simple pleasures become a thing of the past:
1 | The subtle feeling of smugness when you let someone out into traffic. ‘I am a good person.’ It can last at least 5 minutes.
2 | The Sunday morning dump trip. Far less masculine when you’ve been dropped off by a computer simulation.
3 | The occasional bursts, late at night, when you’re a bit delirious from concentrating and tiredness, when Heart FM really delivers.
4 | The perfect tight parallel park in front of a café where everyone is watching. No dramas. It’s what you do.
5 | The sudden change of route when you disagree with your satnav. “I’ll take it from here thanks Garmin.”
6 | The awkward drunk chat with the Addisson Lee driver on the way home: “So when do you knock off tonight, mate?” But you’ll miss him when there’s no one there.
7 | The strange visceral thrill of narrowly avoiding going into the back of someone when you’re not looking, braking just in time. It’s chaos out there and that makes you feel alive.
8 | The surprisingly heartfelt chats parents can only have with their children in cars because they’re all looking out the window, dead ahead, and not in each other’s eyes.
9 | The multi-tasking satisfaction that only comes from drinking hot coffee, eating a sandwich, changing the radio station and successfully negotiating a motorway slip road. Still got it.
10 | Driving through an amber light really, really late. You’ve saved yourself at least 30 seconds.
11 | The elbow out the window at a red light moment. Possibly while Tom Petty’s Freefallin’ comes on the radio. Not the same when you’re sitting in the back.
12 | The petrol station snack stop. You only really deserve that giant bag of Minstrels if you’ve been doing the driving.
13 | The movie car chase. Like this one. Won’t be the same when top speeds are computer controlled.
14 | The cheeky and well-timed nip out at roundabouts. No computer sensors are going to risk that.
15 | Going down through the gears. Because you’re a man. In control of your vehicle. Not for much longer.
16 | Driving gloves.