Robotic Hellhounds, Dr Google And More Tech Of The Week

A dystopian special

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1 | Your First Appointment With Doctor Google

We’ve all been there. You get a cough. A strange rash develops on your arm. You give it a quick Google and suddenly you’ve got a rare Ebola/Rabis super virus and start planning how to break the news to your friends and colleagues.

Google Health Search – a new search option launching this week - aims to save you panicking by providing you with a quick diagnosis and action plan based on your symptoms, all drawn from Google's ultra-brainy Knowledge Graph. Your results will also have been pre-checked out by an average of 11.1 doctors (presumably 11 full doctors and another’s little finger) to ensure you're not wasting your time with weird home remedies dug up from the backwoods of the internet.

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While it’ll make a nice change from trawling through health blogs every time you get a sniffle, it is worth noting that Google Health shouldn’t be seen as a substitute for a real doctor, even one missing a little finger. 

 

2 | Your Swanky New Meteorite Bracelet

We’ve already seen meteorites make their way into watches, and now it seems smart bracelets are next in line, with the limited edition Senturion featuring a piece of four billion year-old space rock.

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At £60,000 the Senturion is definitely more of a status symbol than a realistic buy, but if you do have some spare cash lying about, the bracelets safety features – the ability to unlock homes, cars and, worryingly, gun cabinets – may mean you never have to carry keys again. And, as each piece is hand-made over 70 hours and features a entirely individual chunk of meteorite, you’ll never bump into someone with the same wristwear while debating your latest purchase from the Porsche garage.

senturionkey.com

 

3 | Your First Glimpse Of Our Robot Overlords

The year is 2050. Deep inside a bunker beneath the frozen tundra that was once Romford, a young father is attempting to explain to his young children how robots came to rule the Earth. He reaches for an old DVD, scratched and worn, and inserts it into a DVD player cobbled together from the remains of a PlayStation 5 and a hair drier. The screen crackles into life. A fuzzy video begins. The video above, showing a robot dog named Spot, able to withstand blunt force, run as fast as a human and hunt in packs. Spot was made by us. A tech firm named Boston Dynamics.

The video ends. The children wipe their eyes and hug their father’s legs. ‘Hush now,’ the man says, pausing suddenly as a noise echoes from above. ‘It’s alright,’ he continues. ‘It’s ok.’ Out on the icy tundra Spot.5 pauses and sniffs the ground. The machine tilts its head back and releases a terrifying robotic howl. It has picked up the scent.

bostondynamics.com

 

4 | Your Boss (And Hitachi) Just Want You To Be Happy

The thinking goes that the happier a workplace, the more effort the workers will put in (Just look at Google’s ultra-flash HQ). Hitachi, however, are calling you out on that false grin you wear plastered to your face every day with a new piece of tech.

Their new happiness-monitoring wearable works out exactly how happy you are, using a top secret algorithm that looks at how much you sit, stand, nod, type and walk around during the hours of 9-5, collecting data up to 50 times a second. What this means is that according to Hitachi you may well be happier running around the office, nodding constantly like you’ve come slightly unmoored than sitting at your desk replying to another email.

Actually, we think we agree.

wearable.com


5 | Your Boxset Binge Just Got Invited To The Future

[Above: The Ultra Sharp 4K TV, part of the range of ultra-HD screens soon to be upgraded.]

If you think 4K screens are the cutting edge, now’s the time to prepare yourself for the bad news that the game just changed, with display potential doubling to an incredible 8K. This comes courtesy of the Video Electronics Standards Agency who have just revealed a new piece of kit that allows laptops to make use of the tech that means even your rubbish laptop screen should be improved. Perfect then for gaming and watching Better Call Saul in glorious, high, high definition (so close you'll be able to see exactly where Breaking Bad would have done it better). 

The technicalities, of course, are over our heads, but if you want a clearer picture, (and have headache medication to hand) this is the place to go

How will you fight our robotic canine masters?


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