How much good can really be done in five days? Even God only got as far as the birds and fish. On the plus side, I thought, before embarking on a 5-day ‘mini-cleanse’, at least it won’t be that difficult to keep up.
The chosen program is run by a firm called Raw Fairies. Not the sharpest name when looking to boost your male clientele perhaps but their list of proposed benefits is definitely appealing - weight-loss, increased energy levels, clearer skin, the much-vaunted ‘greater sense of vitality’ and more luxuriant hair.
Every morning for five days, a brown paper bag is delivered to my door containing every morsel I will need for the next 24 hours. It’s not a big bag. These morsels however are organically-sourced, raw and alongside dozens of supplements, engineered to rebalance my no doubt pitifully toxicated internal organs.
Day 1 starts with a homemade lemonade, continues with a breakfast juice, mid-morning kelp blend, a Hawaiian pizza that bears more resemblance to some grass clippings and ends with a headache that starts at 6pm and continues well into Tuesday afternoon. This must be part of the purification.
By Day 3 – the juice-only phase – I’m already fantasising about food that makes a crunch. The theme here is relentlessly cold and wet. Cheating, however, never enters my head and in many ways it’s because my simple brain embraces the concept of having every mouthful pre-planned and pre-packaged.
On day 4, a compliment: “You’re glowing.” Not a statement you expect to hear from a Glaswegian called David. Incredibly, I’ve lost 7 pounds, do feel more clear-headed and yes, my hair, has a new-found sheen. All in the space of one working week.
The only trouble is the hunger. On the Saturday morning, with no brown paper bag on the doorstep, surely a right-minded man wouldn’t undo all the good work by bingeing on whatever’s in the fridge? Therin lies the real challenge.
5-day mini cleanse, £295, www.rawfairies.com