By There's a reason the teleprompter often has ushers award-winners off stage with a countdown at the Oscars.
Faced with the bright lights and the task of remembering every person they owe a vague debt of gratitude to, people tend to drone on somewhat.
Instead of reliving every moment of every speech, here are some of of funniest and most heartfelt quotes from the big night. We imagine Amy Poehler, Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph have already received an offer to host the 2020 Oscars.
"There’s no host tonight. There won’t be a popular movie category. And Mexico is not paying for the wall." - Maya Rudolph kicking off the ceremony.
"These Spanx are so tight they’ve entered my Spider-Verse." - Amy Poehler in the opening speech
"Roma‘s on Netflix, what’s next my microwave makes a movie?" - Tina Fey during the first segment.
"Don’t worry, Bradley, after four kids, I too have peed myself at the Grammys." - Maya Rudolph before announcing Regina King as the 'Best Supporting Actress' winner.
"A period should end a sentence, not a girls education" - Director Rayka Zehtabchi after winning 'Best Short Documentary' for Period. End of Sentence.
"Thank you, argh thank you so much. Lady Gaga I love you!" - Actress Olivia Colman accepting the 'Best Actress' award for The Favourite.
"Do not turn that motherf**king clock on" - Director Spike Lee, winning his first Oscar for the adapted screenplay of BlacKkKlansman.
"Mel Gibson came up to me and said: ‘Wakanda forever.’ He said another word after that, but the ‘Wakanda forever’ part was nice." - Trevor Noah while presenting the nomination video for Black Panther.
"Being here doesn’t get old" - Roma director Alfonso Cuarón.
"We made a film about a gay man, an immigrant, who lived his life just unapologetically himself, and the fact that I'm celebrating him and this story with you tonight is proof that we're longing for stories like this," - Rami Malek in his speech after winning 'Best Actor' for his portrayal of Freddie Mercury.
