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There's a lot of Netflix's Harry & Meghan to get through. You could be forgiven for thinking that Peter Jackson was behind the camera, given it's already at least three times longer than it needed to be. But one particular moment within it has become a major flashpoint.
You may have seen it shared around social media. It's about 14 seconds long. It's blurry, clearly taken off someone's phone camera while they watch Netflix on TV or a laptop. Meghan Markle does a big curtsy, and says smilingly, "Pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty".
It was met with a rabid response by many. "I would NEVER allow my partner to openly mock my grandma EVER," said one reliably anti-Sussexes right-wing talking head, after sharing the truncated clip.
The read on this seems to be that Markle wasn't showing due respect to the monarchy in general and the Queen personally, and that the little giggle she has while curtsying is yet more evidence of her own strain of cutesy narcissism.
A small sample of the condemnation: "These people are VULGAR"; "Disgraceful so glad her Majesty won’t see this"; "If anyone mocked my grandma that person would know about it!! All Grandmas are queens and should be respected!"
Lots of grandma discourse out there, for sure. But there's a bit more context needed before we wade into it. Even the extra 30 seconds either side of that clip are quite handy.
"My grandmother was the first senior member of the family that Meghan met," Harry says. "She [Markle] had no idea what it all consisted of, so it was a bit of a shock to the system for her."
The way they tell it, they found out the Queen was knocking about at Windsor having been to church while they were en route, and had to do a bit of last-minute protocol revision.
"I didn't know I was going to meet her until minutes before," Markle says.
Harry talks about how weird it is to drop someone into that situation: "How do you explain that you bow to your grandmother?"
And then the moment, the smoking curtsy. Markle says her only reference point was plasticky Renaissance fairs back home, and over-egged it. "It was like that. I was like..." She folds herself in half in a gigantic, operatic bow. "Pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty."
She remembers Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice saying she'd done well. "Thanks! I didn't know what I was doing."
Markle was, fairly obviously, mocking her own cluelessness about the situation. That's what the whole set-up to the anecdote is about. That's what the next bit of the story counterpoints on.
And yet here we are, with Bob Seely, MP for the Isle of Wight, putting forward a motion in Parliament to strip them of their titles using arcane legislation designed to take titles away from people who supported Germany in the First World War. He's particularly narked at Harry.
"As well as trashing his family and monetising his misery for public consumption," Seely harrumphed, "he is also attacking some important institutions in this country." This is Bob Seely, who in June voted for Boris 'Important Institutions' Johnson to stay in a job. Bob Seely, who saw Liz Truss's lemming-like plans for the UK – read them, looked at them, thought about them – and then voted for them.
Guy Opperman, an actual Cabinet minister, said he certainly wouldn't be watching but that the Sussexes are "utterly irrelevant" and a "very troubled couple," before calling for people to boycott Netflix. Proportionate, Guy.
To state the obvious: the same people who've been kicking off about Meghan for the past few years had been waiting for one moment in this grand behind-the-scenes doc to latch onto, magnify and kick off about all over again. And because nearly nothing enormously surprising comes out of their mouths in the vast lunar landscape of its three-hour run time, this is the best they've got.
It's rare to see such levels of bad faith discourse, even with England's footballers concurrently competing in a major tournament. It's properly dizzying to watch the doc (all three hours, you're welcome) and find that this is the bit that has become unmoored from the rest of it to be warped, pressed and trimmed into something it definitely isn't.
The contortions required to despise a couple who have less bearing on your day-to-day life than whether you go Quavers or Skips for lunch always felt weird. But this is a new peak, even for us.
