We know what you were thinking during damn near the entirety of Marvel's Infinity Saga. Really. We do. As you watched Steve Rogers—wielder of America's ass!—beat up Nazis and Thanos and aliens and anyone else who crossed the path of this Chris Evans-looking man, you simply had one question.
Does Captain America fuck?
She-Hulk's writers wondered the exact same thing. After Episode One—which premiered on Disney+ this Thursday—draws to a chaotic, gassy close (we truly did not need the Hulk burping contest!) we're treated to a delightful post-credits scene. Jennifer Walters and Bruce Banner, the latter all Hulked out, are still boozing away. Or so it seems. Walters starts ranting about Captain America, eventually posing the question we all would like the answer to: is the man still a virgin? You know, since he went from dweeb, to jacked saviour of his country, to frozen in a block of ice, to jacked saviour of mankind! Not much time to sleep around, right?
Wrong! Apparently. Walters, who later reveals that she was pretending to be drunk just to get an answer from Banner, manages to obtain this important piece of information. She says, "That ass did not deserve to die a virgin!" Remember, by the way, that we see Rogers flirt a whole lot over the course of his MCU journey, but considering how damn weird Marvel is about sex, we never saw much more than that. Rest assured, though, America's ass did not die a virgin. Banner reports that Rogers lost his virginity to a stewardess in 1943 on a USO tour. Walters, extremely pleased yells, "CAPTAIN AMERICA FUUUUUUUU—" and the scene cuts to black.
There you go, friends. Rest easy knowing that Avengers: Endgame does not wrap up with the poor guy traveling back in time to be with the love of his life, only to ruin it all in the bedroom. Amen to that.
