Look, we're as hopeful about England's chances as you are. Even if it doesn't always seem that way. But maybe its wise to pick out a second team, just in case – just in case! – our big brave lions buckle under the non-existent pressure early days.
To that end, we've rounded up plucky underdogs with very, very nice kits who could very well beat the odds (or at least put up a good fight...).
Peru
It’s Peru’s first World Cup since 1982 and they look determined to make up for lost time. Two deftly crafted goals against Saudi Arabia last weekend showcased the kind of slick counter-attacking moves Los Incas are capable of, and captured the hearts, minds and Brexit-bannered feeds of Football Twitter in the process.
Paolo Guerrero, Peru’s all-time top goal scorer, just won a legal appeal to play at the World Cup following a doping suspension, and his two goals against Saudi Arabia marked his return to football after a 7 month lay-off. Encouraging, sure, but will he have the sharpness to last the stretch? And can Peru patiently tika taka past the world’s greatest, least-indulgent defenders? Probably not. But we’ll be rooting for the 200/1 underdogs, largely thanks to that lovely, River Plate-y kit.
Odds: 200/1
Egypt
If Lionel Messi’s frustrating record for Argentina proves anything, it’s that one man can’t carry a nation. It's no doubt even harder with a dicky shoulder, but smilin’ Mo Salah doesn’t seem overly burdened by the prospect.
All eyes will be on the Premier League record-breaker to conjure goals for Egypt’s rigidly defensive side. Other familiar faces include Arsenal’s underrated utility man and piss-taker extraordinaire Mohammed Elneny, as well as wretched West Brom brute Ahmed Hegazi, who has become a target for the top half following the Baggies’ relegation.
Salah doesn’t seem like a vengeful man – unbridled joy is his default emotion – but a Sergio Ramos reunion must be a stirring prospect. If the forward can overcome his injury concerns and bring his miraculous domestic form to the world stage, there’s no reason why Egypt’s bus can’t stay parked for a while yet.
Odds: 150/1
Belgium
Not an underdog, really, but there’s something very 'England 2002' about Belgium. A squad of outrageously talented individuals that have never quite clicked into a cohesive unit; over-hyped and justifiably feeling the pressure. They’re doomed, basically.
You know all about their trophy-hoarding Premier League contingent, but keep an eye on Monaco youngster Youri Tielemans to deliver on the Football Manager-inspired hype that’s followed him for years. You know, if he actually gets some good game time (which he won’t!)
Bar a few ruthless trouncings (8-0 vs Estonia, 9-0 vs Gibraltar), Belgium weren’t totally convincing during the World Cup qualifiers. Kevin De Bruyne even criticised manager Roberto Martinez after a 3-3 draw with Mexico, saying "As long as there is no good tactical system for the team, we are going to face difficulties […]”. He’s got a lot to work with, but a big question mark hangs over the former Everton boss and his insouciant assistant, Thierry Henry.
Odds: 11/1
Nigeria
You demolished your overdraft for that sold-out Nigeria kit on Depop, so you should obviously spend the rest of the tournament justifying that boozy 2am purchase. You are now a Super Eagles super fan.
They’ve got a young and talented squad, led by some old heads. John Mikel Obi plies his trade in China nowadays, but he’s still the reliable fulcrum of the team. Victor Moses will find himself free from defensive duties to bolster Nigeria’s attack, and Leicester City’s Wilfred Ndidi should pick up on his impressive Premier League form.
It’s hard to see where the goals are coming from, though. No kit in the world can make a trickling Alex Iwobi miskick look cool, and the Arsenal forward has a lot to prove following a miserable campaign. Ahmed Musa totally flopped in his single Premier League season, and Manchester City reject Kelechi Iheanacho has been inconsistent for club and country.
Odds: 200/1
Croatia
Can Ivan Rakitic and Luka Modric carry Croatia to the latter stages? You wouldn’t put it past the seasoned La Liga playmakers. If they provide good service to a not-quite-over-the-hill Mario Mandzukic, the Vatreni can surely sucker punch their way through the competition.
Having said that, they couldn't stop Croatia from crashing out of the group stages in 2014. The technically-gifted 2010 team didn't even make it to the finals. Memories remains of that impressive third place finish in 1998, but beyond that Croatia have been perennial underachievers on the international stage.
Still, a defence made up of former Spurs man Vedran Corluka, Liverpool’s Dejan Lovren and Bayer Leverkusen’s highly-rated youngster Tin Jedjav will make them hard to break down, and that kit deserves a lot more than a group stage exit. They've got what it takes to spring a surprise.
Odds: 33/1
