Drake’s new album 'Scorpion’s out today, and he’s gone the full Emerson, Lake and Palmer and made a 25-track double album. That’s too many tracks, in all honesty. Whack in a panpipe solo and some artwork involving mystic runes and you’ve got yourself a prog epic.
It’s stuffed with extremely decent lines, but there are some extremely Drake-y lines in there too. You know, the old so-sad-today Drake, the I-only-love-my-bed-and-my-momma-I’m-sorry Drake. Are we going to make them look slightly more ridiculous by stripping them of their context and presenting them here? Yes. Yes we are.
Survival
“My Mount Rushmore’s me with four different expressions”
Missed opportunity. We’d have Neville Southall, Steve Buscemi, Jack from Love Island and the guy who wanted you to see the state of our Wes.
Emotionless
“I wasn't hiding my kid from the world / I was hiding the world from my kid?”
Life’s going to get trickier when junior learns how to work the curtains.
8 Out Of 10
“I think I sense a little fear from the other side / White vans parked across the street, real subtle guys”
It’s good to know rap beefs (beeves?) are conducted with the same commitment to secrecy as the time Homer had to spy on Apu with his enormous hat.
Mob Ties
“I fuck with the mob and I got ties / Knock you off to pay their tithes”
Nice to see that, after Kendrick’s line on m.A.A.d. City and now this, the word ‘tithes’ is back as a rap thing following a long absence since Chaucer got out of the game.
Can’t Take A Joke
“I'm still in the studio at 6:45 / And my haters either on they way to work or they arrived”
Bet you anything Drake’s the kind of bloke who’d get into work 45 minutes early every day to get the seat by the coffee machine and then moan that everyone kept distracting him by using it.
Talk Up
“Ayy, ayy / Lot of 6's in here tonight”
Sounds like an estate agent arriving at the Portsmouth TigerTiger and getting a pre-emptive neg in.
Is There More
“Only holdin' up I do is my end of the bargain / Only beggin' that I do is me beggin' your pardon”
Could easily be a line from a donked-up remix of Clive Dunn's 'Grandad'.
“I'll let you bring a thousand recruits / My peers are a talented group”
Drake, arms folded, boater tilted jauntily, trash talks at the start of the Eton inter-house mathletics tournament.
“And all of these asses that never come in proportionate size?”
Drake’s concerned about the lack of uniformity in today’s asses. Strange hill to die on. Maybe, like bendy bananas, it’s something we can finally sort out after Brexit.
Ratchet Happy Birthday
“It's your fuckin' birthday. Happy birthday”
Drake didn’t last long at TGI Fridays.
Peak
“Treat you like princess, rest in heaven Diana”
Ominous.
Summer Games
“Yeah, you say I led you on, but you followed me. I follow one of your friends, you unfollow me”
Does Drake keep a painstaking Google Docs spreadsheet recording everyone who unfollows him on Instagram? Yes.
“How can you be angry on a night in July?”
July!
Don't Matter To Me
“I can't recover from our last conversation. You called me weak”
Feel like you’ve proved her point there, buddy.
Final Fantasy
“I always need a glass of wine by sundown”
Drake and your mum, Tipping Point on the telly and a bottle of Echo Falls on the go. Utter bliss.
