Looks like a lil’ old murder in the Hawaii resort wasn’t enough of a TripAdvisor kiss of death for The White Lotus hotel chain, so onwards the brand marches. To Sicily, in fact, where a brand new host of faces – and some familiar – land in the picturesque Italian island outpost of the franchise for a holiday they’ll never forget.
But (would you believe it?) within the opening seconds of the series, another dead body turns up. And that’s not all, as the hotel underling, Rocco, tells Valentina, the manager, “a few” more guests are also dead. Same shit, different day, eh? Here, in a sliding scale of the characters most likely to be sent home in a body bag, are our predictions:
Bert (F Murray Abraham)
Just by age alone and being the oldest of the whole bad bunch puts Bert up there. Still, if he did cark it of natural causes, then there’s worse places to perish than a five-star Italian hotel in his motherland, surrounded by the glorious Ionian sea and with a backdrop of Mount Etna. A life well lived, indeed.
Dominic (Michael Imperioli)
Dominic, putting it nicely, appears to be a bit of a shit. Having affairs, and not working hard to hide it, even his daughter won’t speak to him (and his son Albie is probably only doing so to get an all expenses-paid trip to Europe). So is this long-awaited karma for arranging late-night calls from a local sex worker? What else will we uncover about his behaviour back home, and will it make Albie or Bert lash out at him?
Greg (Jon Gries)
Also being a bit of a shit is Greg, Tanya McQuoid’s new husband, who she met in the previous series. As well as being highly shifty, he’s now started bullying his new bride, berating her about eating all the macarons in their hotel room when she’s “meant to be losing weight”. But even more importantly: is he a bigamist? We’re told the story of testa di morro at the beginning of the series, of a young Italian girl who beheaded her lover and used his head as a vase when she found out he was married with children. Is this a foreshadowing of Tanya finding out something similar about Greg, and pulling the same trick? She’s already had a premonition about his “shark eyes”...
Cameron (Theo James)
Young, dumb and full of… qualities that make those near him immediately want to kill him? This finance bro looks like a prime target; with his neggy put-downs aimed at his college mate Ethan, and his passive-aggressively threatening behaviour towards Harper, and there’s just something slimy about him that we can’t put our finger on just yet. Claiming Ted Lasso as his favourite TV show as he’s “such a good guy”... we see a red flag. Also, we shouldn’t count out his wife Daphne’s obsession with Dateline: “I love it, all those wives murdering their husbands. Happens a lot on vacations…”
Mia (Beatrice Grannò)
The sweet to her friend Lucia’s spicy; singer Mia seems a little more naive. Perhaps she ends up as collateral in Lucia’s risky games?
Tanya McQuoid (Jennifer Coolidge)
Surely Mike White wouldn’t kill off the star of the show, counting her out for The White Lotus series three or four? It’s always a possibility, plus perhaps her assistant, Portia, finally flips out about being banished to her room to eat pasta for their entire stay.
Portia (Haley Lu Richardson)
Or is Portia the one who doesn’t make it out alive? Greg looks furious when he sees Tanya’s assistant on their romantic trip to Sicily, and maybe he sees red later on in the stay. Or perhaps Portia’s the one to unmask his double life, and he kills her before she can tell Tanya?
Ethan (Will Sharpe)
What exactly is Ethan’s deal? He forces his new wife to go on holiday with his college mate who he clearly can’t stand either, and then spends the whole time either working, going for dawn jogs or wanking in the hotel bedroom: is he the asshole? Why has Cameron invited Ethan on holiday – will there be a face-off between the two frenemies? Or is that a bit of simmering sexual tension we can feel? Does a bit of swinging between the couples go dark?
Albie (Adam DiMarco)
The nicest – and youngest – generation of the Di Grasso family, it’s hard to imagine him fatally rubbing anybody up the wrong way. But maybe some home truths to his dad, which the series seems to be gearing towards at some point, pushes him into homicide.
Harper (Aubrey Plaza)
Sorry, but Harper seems too switched-on to end up dead. Yes, she’s an eye-rolling intellectual snob who darkens any table she joins with her conversation and makes everyone feel they’re beneath her… hang on, there’s the motive right there.
Lucia (Simona Tabasco)
Again, Lucia seems too street-smart to wind up on the wrong side of this earthly realm. In fact, we’d be more inclined to put money on her being the murderer. Does she clash with her client, Dominic? As Valentina notes: “She’s one fast slut”.
The White Lotus series two airs on Sky Atlantic and NOW TV weekly.
