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Yesterday’s announcement from the National Theatre that Joseph Fiennes, star of Shakespeare in Love, is being fitted for waistcoats to play Gareth Southgate in a new play about the England football manager’s incredible — if circular — journey from that Euro 1996 penalty miss to those Euro 2020 penalty misses, has been met with the type of fevered speculation that typically precedes the announcement of the squad for a major international tournament.
Bookmaker William Hill has already opened the betting on Fiennes’ supporting cast for Dear England, by acclaimed playwright James Graham. At the time of writing Fiennes’ fellow acting dynasty scion Freddie Fox is 10/1 favourite to play Southgate’s captain, Harry Kane — although it’ll be no surprise to anyone (except his agent) that Ryan Gosling is also in the running for the chance to bring energy and meaning to the gnomic utterances of the free-scoring Tottenham target man.
The odds on smouldering Happy Valley star James Norton being cast as Manchester United bench-warmer Harry Maguire are understandably even shorter, at 5/1. At 12/1, Daniel Kaluuya is just behind favourite Micheal Ward, of Top Boy fame, to tread the boards as Arsenal wunderkind, Bukayo Saka.
Today Esquire can exclusively reveal that behind the scenes numerous sharp-elbowed stars of stage and screen are jostling, like penalty area bullies awaiting an injury-time corner kick, for plumb roles in director Rupert Goold’s staging of the life of Gareth.
Already confirmed: Alice-banded Manchester City glamour boy Jack Grealish will, according to reliable sources, be played by Harry Styles, making his theatrical debut. Styles and Grealish are not believed to have met in person so far but privately the Harry’s House heartthrob has revealed that the pair have exchanged DMs and “Jack’s given me his blessing.”
Taron Egerton, previously best known for playing noted football fan Elton John in Rocket Man, will be left back Luke Shaw. No one has yet put himself forward to play Jordan Pickford.
But it’s the actors being lined up to play Southgate’s peers in the Euro '96 team who will attract the most sensational response: daft but dazzling Paul Gascoigne will be reanimated by Daniel Craig, while Fiennes’ more famous brother, Ralph, is thought to be considering Geordie goal machine Alan Shearer.
Shearer’s fellow TV pundits are attracting a similar calibre of star: Hugh Grant is leading the charge to play woolly liberal dreamboat Gary Lineker, Idris Elba is in discussions about the role of phlegmatic style icon Rio Ferdinand, and Tom Hardy has been seen abroad speaking in riddles and wearing Roy Keane’s beard.
Pressed to confirm his final selection, National Theatre artistic director Rufus Norris was cagey.
“It’s not about individual performances,” said Norris, on Instagram. “Theatre’s a team game and whoever ultimately performs on the night, I know they’ll all give it 110 per cent. #squadgoals #threelions #itscominghome”
'Dear England' will play at the National Theatre in London from 10 June to 11 August
