By "What do you mean the U.S. aren't in the World Cup? We have the best players, let me tell you, the best. They're very very good. We actually didn't want to be in it because we're too good," is how you would imagine Donald Trump would comment on Russia 2018.
His actual comments were similarly farcical.
Yesterday Trump welcomed Portuguese President Marcelo Rebelo de Sousa to the Oval Office for a state visit.
In addition to offering the most bland statement of all time on how the tournament was progressing ("It's in Russia, and I will tell you that it's exciting") Trump also suggested that Cristiano Ronaldo might be a leadership challenge to the president.
We can only assume nobody has informed him that celebrities don't just ascend to the highest office in other countries.
"He's the best player in the world, Cristiano Ronaldo," De Sousa said. "So in a sense - well, I think, has been a success."
"So will Cristian ever run for President against you?" Trump laughed before adding, "He wouldn't win. You know he won't."
"President, you know - you know something - I must tell you, Portugal is not just United States," the Portuguese leader replied.
"That's right. That's right," Trump said, unaware of the sick burn that had just been administered.
Perhaps both of them had a few too many sangrias at lunch because as we all know, Ronaldo is not the best player in the world...
