What Everyone Really Wants From Apple's Big iPhone Launch

It's widely expected that Apple CEO Tim Cook will unveil a bounty of products at the company's annual autumn press event tonight, including a new generation of iPhones. But whatever he reveals, it's unlikely to satisfy the long, detailed wish lists of ardent Apple fanboys. So what are we likely to get?

iPhone XS

The most widely-expected launch of the event is an updated iPhone, with some analysts suspecting three different models including two with 5.8-inch or 6.5-inch super-high-definition OLED screens respectively. The big boy is expected to be more expensive than the iPhone X, which went for £999 when it arrived. Others say a 6.1-inch iPhone XR is more likely. Some particularly hyped fans are suggesting that this new generation's going to be called the XC, and that we should all refer to it as the 'Ninety' in the same way Apple refers to the iPhone X as the 'Ten'. Nobody's going to be doing that. Speaking of the X, there's rumoured to be a more affordable version of it in the same vein as the 5C, which scooped up the innards of the 5 and popped them in a new body. New Apple innovations usually find their first homes on iPhones, though there's no sturdy reports on what they might be, if there are any. New colours for handsets would be welcome too.

iPad Pro

Another of the big, if less likely, rumours is an update of the iPad Pro that enables them to include Face ID and gesture-control like the iPhone X. That'd be a bit tricky to manage with the orientation-shifting iPad, but it'd keep Apple's products neatly in line. The other rumour floating around is that new iPads will switch from Lightning ports to USB-C, which would be exactly as fascinating a development as it sounds.

Apple Watch

There's a lot of wishing for a circular screen rather than the Apple Watch 3's square one, though it's more likely that the screen will expand to become edge-to-edge while the body will stay roughly the same size. There's even some fevered, thigh-rubbing lust after a 5G-enabled Watch from some quarters of the internet. Nobody would be able to use the 5G as yet as there's no 5G coverage in the UK, but there could be a network up and running in the next year or so.

A cheaper MacBook

It hasn't been trailed as hard as the iPhone updates, but the prospect of a new, affordable replacement for the old MacBook - and one which keeps the Touch ID capability minus the Touchbar - is still on the periphery of analysts' predictions. The same insiders who leaked that also suggested a revamped Mac Mini aimed at professionals is on the cards.

A reboot of David Mitchell and Robert Webb's 'Mac vs PC' ad campaign

Maybe David Mitchell could shout "BING!!" a lot in one sketch, to amusingly highlight how Microsoft machines are always asking you to use Bing to Google stuff.

Tim Cook saying "Good morning!" a lot

Once you've heard it, it'll never leave you. It's like hearing a Ronald Reagan speech after listening to Homer Simpson's Rappin' Ronnie Reagan tape. He does say "Good morning!" a lot.