The thing is, there are a lot of beautiful women in the movies.
The common idea is that this simple quality alone is enough to have men perched on the front rows of cinemas, staring up in doe-eyed acquiescence, salivating and confusing their childish lust for love.
But the truth is we reserve the blind, unrequited, irrational, humiliating, self-flagellating love (the fifth kind, that C S Lewis forgot) for those distant stars who do more than just look stunning on the sides of buses and parrot platitudes into red carpet microphones.
For that, give us the unpredictable women, the ones who make us laugh, who stand their ground and fight their corner and – just now and then – offer a small glimpse of a better world in which we might stand with them as equals across the warm, hard earth.
Give us Milena Markovna Kunis - 31 years young and a new mother - who over the past few years has made us fall for her in (at least) 30 different ways.
Everyone who has ever fancied a celebrity (so everyone who has ever lived) has shared a fantasy: that somehow, one day, you meet through the impenetrable fog of fame and get to hang out like normal people.
In 2011, Sgt. Scott Moore an American marine serving in Afghanistan lived that dream. How? A mixture of the internet, and Mila Kunis’s sheer down-to-earth brilliance. After posting a video on YouTube inviting her to a Marine Corps Ball for a joke, she – against all odds – agreed.
"I’d never been asked out on a date, and I respected the guy for having big enough cojones to do it," Mila explained later, thus concluding the coolest thing any celebrity has ever done ever.
In 2008, Mila was threatened with being escorted out of the Los Angeles Dodgers' play-off against the Philadelphia Phillies for repeatedly using foul language and upsetting a 10-year-old boy. Girl loves her sport.
When the Radio 1 Scott Mills Show sent their equivalent of Alan Partridge’s Sidekick Simon to interview Mila during a standard film press junket, viral video history was made.
Chris Stark ignored her film and went in with rambling anecdotes about his mates back home and inviting her out to his local pub. Where most A-list actresses would have ended the interview on the spot or pretended to laugh with fear in their eyes, Mila didn’t flinch.
(Embracing the cover shoot sexy video with simultaneously taking the piss out of it.)
For 13 years Mila has been the butt of the cruelest jokes in one of the funniest and filthiest cartoons ever made, voicing Meg from Family Guy. "I have a very recognizable voice, very high-pitched and piercing and loud, and I'm very well aware of it," she said in an interview. "Meg gets picked on a lot. But it's funny."
Instead of opting for one of the gazillion safe rom-coms to land in her lap after That 70s Show, Mila signed up for Seth McFarlane’s anti-rom-com Ted, staring alongside Mark Walhberg and a foul mouthed digital teddy bear. A career gamble? Nothing of it. It was her most commercially successful film to date.
GQ Knockout of the Year 2011
Esquire Sexiest Woman Alive 2012
FHM Sexiest Woman in the World 2013
Few men were particularly interested in 2010’s Black Swan – it was a ‘ballet-based melodrama’, after all – until they realised it featured not just Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, but Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis having sex, making it probably the most straight-forward date movie choice of all time.
In the end it was worth seeing for far more than mild titillation. Kunis was intoxicating as the corruptive influence to Portman’s prissy lead, a good job: she trained seven days a week, tore ligaments and dislocated a shoulder to get it filmed, a level of devotion that would have made De Niro proud.
To play a ballerina Mila was forced to go on a strict diet, losing 20 pounds in the process. First thing she did after the job was done? Fly to LA and tear into one of these: an In-N-Out Double Double animal style burger (with a root beer float). Which reminds us...
Mila spent the first seven years of her life living in Kiev, so when a Russian journalist began bombarding her clearly flustered Friends With Benefits co-star with a rough line of questioning, she stepped in and tore her a new one.
JT, second only to Jude Law in the International Smug Handsome Bastard stakes, didn't go down a complete hit with Mila, however. Describing the filming of Friends With Benefits, director Will Gluck said:
"Justin was on Mila, kissing her, and she fell asleep. We called cut and he got off and she was sleeping. So that's how good in bed Justin Timberlake is."
Cheers all round chaps.
We haven't been this jealous of Macaulay Culkin since... OK this is the only time.
In 2009, as one of The Strokes’ inexplicably gorgeous girlfriends in The End Has No End. Somehow, she manages to make the '80s look like exactly the place we want to be.
"She had marijuana dreams / and a cocaine nightmare / Watching as her youth flies by / Like a light year"
We freely admit this is pretty much the worst song ever recorded. And yet somehow, Mila manages to exude a sense of knowing irony that makes it watchable. With the sound down of course.
An out spoken supporter of President Obama throughout both elections, Mila has said she loves politics and bemoaned political apathy among her peers:
"[We] are given such an amazing opportunity with so much information. Why is no-one taking advantage of it? You don’t have to watch Fox News or CNN or MSNBC; you don’t have to be part of a political party, you could just read. Why is nobody reading? I feel like, in our generation, people don’t read," she told Stylist.
The result of surgery she once had to have after suffering from inflammation of the iris. Beauty really is in the imperfections.
Specifically: "Confidence, not cockiness . Knowing who you are is confidence. Cockiness is knowing who you are and pushing it down everyone's throat." Amen to that.
When most movie stars decide to 'branch out', it’s to extend their egos – a bit of Shakespeare at the West End, or a automatically high profile directing role. Not Mila.
She’s about to serve as an off-screen producer on Meridian Hills, a drama set in 1972 about a newly wed who becomes a woman's lib civil right activist.
In addition to the classy Dior advert above, Mila has chosen Gemfields as her commercial pal of choice. Why? They’re an ethically sourced luxury gems company she decided to lend her face to after visiting their mines in Zambia.
"If someone presents you a gift with a gemstone in it, knowing that they put thought into where it came from gives it more meaning," Kunis said. "It's easy to buy something that looks impressive, but knowing that it’s ethically sourced and that no one suffered to produce it is, to my mind, the most important thing."
But Mila is one of those who gets stuck in rather than just throws money at worthy causes. In addition to promoting Gemfields, she worked as Master of Ceremonies at the 9th annual Chrysalis Foundation Benefit for homeless people and even let Bryan Adam photograph her to raise money for the NYC AIDS foundation.
In 2007’s After Sex, a series of vignettes of couple’s having a post-coital chat. Just. Watch. It.
From the moment you see her smiling with a stupid Hawaiian flower in her hair, you’re a goner. Mila’s breakthrough role in the surprisingly hilarious Forgetting Sarah Marshall was as Rachel Jansen: funny, sweet, kind, sexy and pretty much the perfect onscreen girlfriend in every respect.