Ed Miliband is many things.
A politician. A viral heartthrob. A man "tough enough" to take on any challenge, despite all evidence to the contrary.
But we are willing to bet good money that Ed Miliband is not, nor has ever been, a secret White House pimp who arranges sordid liaisons for American politicians.
Which is why we're calling bullshit on this news story from US alt-right site American News.
The piece, which draws an ominous ring around Eddy boy as he glares at Nick Clegg, accuses the former Labour leader of being a "fixer" who "set up exploits for [Hillary] with both men and women."
"I arranged a meeting for Hillary and a woman in an exclusive Beverly Hills hotel," a 'former operative' (sure) told The National Enquirer, adding that he was hired by Clinton through a Hollywood executive.
"She had come to the studio to see the filming of a movie in 1994," he recalled. "While I was there, I helped her slip out of a back exit for a one-on-one session with the other women. It was made to look casual, leaving quietly [rather] than being caught up in the melee…but really it was for something presumably more sordid."
No wonder Ed Miliband always looks so angry when he's snapped on the train nowadays - he's just trying to run away from his sex-fuelled past of political pimping and live a quiet life. Maybe he was tough enough, after all?
Or they're just chatting complete nonsense. Either/or.