140 Characters: Complete Ledge

In the first of a new series of interviews with our favourite people on Twitter, we catch up with legendary bantersaurus Complete Ledge.

Most Popular

Hi Ledge. What have you been up to today?
Wassssuuup? Classic. Today? Rolled into the office around 10 still wearing my Stuart Hall shirt, pin stripe slacks and a fanny batter beard. Gave my mate Damo a sloppy French kiss while he was on a sales call about to land a cushty deal and nail a wad of commish. He wasn't best pleased. Bendlord.

Some classic email banter with some of the girls in accounts. Quick ad hoc HR meeting shortly after. Disciplinary. Standard. Shortly going to fire up the battle cruiser and hit AB1 for the boozual. Usually teaming with office clout. £50 and line of Meow on the table for the first one with smelly fingers.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

Any style tips for this summer?
A pastel Ralph polo in the 'popped' position is the cornerstone of a legendary steez. Superdry do a great line in Arctic camo which just goes with anything, it's the tits. 'FBI: Female Body Inspector' tee is perfect for a dress-down Friday. Just don't let HR clock you. Daps? Lemon Crocs for casual or squaretoe tan loafers for best. Pair with the Superdry camo and prepare to be fighting them off with a stick. Wraparound white Oakleys: standard.

Most Popular

What music do you think we should be listening to?
I like to mix it right up. "Lager, Lager" by house legends Underground, into classic '70s rock like "Cocks on Fire" by Kings of Leon. Classic House like Outhere Brothers next to DJ Otzi. Also, very few ladies can resist having "HEEEEEEY BAAABY" screamed at top volume, directly into their face in club. Simples.

What about books? You reading anything at the moment?
Straight Up, as anyone will tell you, is THE Danny Dyer autobiography. There's also a classic piece of Ledge literature called The Game, which essentially teaches you to become the Derren Brown of getting nuts deep.

Any romance in the air for you at the moment?
I got Sandra on Babestation to wiggle her arse for a full 3 minutes the other night. She doesn't do that for just anyone.  Cost me £42 in phone calls, like. Worth it.

Who is your biggest hero and why?
Danny Dyer. He's won over 8 Oscars but is equally comfortable blowing the roof off an Essex night club with some peak-time bangers.

If you could go on the lash with anyone, past or present, who would it be?
Hard to pick just one fella. Maybe Crouchy, Moylesy, Rooney, and of course Beefy. 100% Solid Gold Brew Crew. We'd get pink polos made with our names on the back. Standard. 10 hours of rejections and ejections around Leeds, pogo-moshing to Kasabian. QUALITY NIGHT OUT. And you just know none of the gang would be afraid of getting their 'nads out in a crowded branch of AB1 in the name of utter comedy gold.

…And if you could spend the night with any lady?
Can I say 'your mum'?

Of course. What is your definition of success?
Once you hit £40k OTE and a company Avensis, you're absolutely smashing it fella.

What's the best piece of advice you ever got?
"
Ledge you utter bumlord, no one is ever going to ask to physically hold a copy of your degree certificate. It could say *anything* on there. Think about it." That was my old man.

If you could give Esquire readers ones piece of advice, what would it be?
If you're going to lie about your qualifications, putting 'fluent in Russian' might come back to haunt you one day. Awkward.

Finally, what does the future hold for you?
To continue dominating the sales industry. To continue dominating your mum.

Follow Complete Ledge on Twitter. Want to nominate your favourite 140 Character? Let us know on @esquireuk.

What do you think?

Playstation now
Culture
Share
Here's How You Can Transform Your PC Into A PlayStation 4
​​It's all part of Sony's new streaming service​
Culture
Share
A New Study Finds The Majority Of Men Believe Sexism Doesn't Exist
Apparently the earth is also flat​
Batman
Film
Share
Holy Smokes! Lycra Don Adam West Is Returning To Batman After 48 Years
Sans chalky eyebrows, unfortunately​
Night czar
Culture
Share
Sadiq Khan Is Hiring A 'Czar' To Sort Out London's Nightlife
The role is for shaping London as a 24-hour city​
Khal Drogo
TV
Share
Is Khal Drogo Coming Back to 'Game of Thrones'?
An Instagram post is sparking discussion among fans​
Leonardo Dicaprio
GIF
TV
Share
This Martin Scorsese Masterpiece Is Being Turned Into A TV Series
​The Departed is coming to Amazon Prime​​
maise-williams-reddit-ama-43
TV
Share
Maisie Williams: 'Nothing Will Prepare You' For Game of Thrones Season 7
But first, you have to handle a long wait
Jeremy Clarkson
TV
Share
Jeremy Clarkson Should Never Have Been Sacked, Says Former BBC Boss
​"Clarkson can be a deeply objectionable individual, and I say that as a friend"​
Corbyn
Culture
Share
It Looks Like Jeremy Corbyn Has Been Caught Out In The Lamest Way Possible
​Turns out, the train wasn't as "ram-packed" as he said​
TV
Share
Watch Our Exclusive Heart-Racing Narcos Season 2 Trailer
Escobar's back​