What is the appropriate British response to what's going on in American politics right now?
Until this morning, we'd opted for ‘politely ignore the whole thing and wait for it to blow over’, the way one might a teenager having a tantrum. Surely, you think to yourself, good sense will prevail and interest in Donald Trump will fade - just like it did with our own protest vote politicians, like Nigel Farage and, er, Jeremy Corbyn.
But this morning, Trump has finally got to us. We have no choice now but to pay attention to him. Because where his comedy hair and xenophobia have failed – we have enough of both in our political landscape, after all - this video of three stars and stripes-clad children robotically performing a song in his honour has prevailed.
The Official Donald Trump Jam feels too strange even for him. It goes beyond off-the-cuff, headline-baiting rhetoric and firmly into the world of sinister propaganda. It is funny, awful and terrifying - like watching anything put out by the state of North Korea. It has all the queasiness of a child beauty pageant. It is distinguishable from an episode of South Park only by virtue of the fact is it in 3D.
These are the lyrics:
Cowardice (are you serious?)
Apologies for freedom (I can't handle this!)
When freedom rings (answer the call!)
On your feet (stand up tall!)
Freedom's on our shoulders (USA!)
Enemies of freedom
Face the music (come on boys, take 'em down!)
President Donald Trump knows how to make America great
Deal from strength or get crushed every time
Over here (USA!)
Over there (USA!)
Freedom and liberty everywhere
Oh say can you see
It's not so easy
But we have to stand up tall and answer freedom's call
We're the land of the free and the home of the brave, USA!
The stars and stripes are flying
Let's celebrate our freedom
Inspire proudly freedom to the world
A merit to (USA!)
American pride (USA!)
It's attitude, it's who we are, stand up tall
We're the red, white and blue
Fiercely free, that's who!
Our colours don't run, no sir-e
Maybe the Official Donald Trump Jam will wake Republicans from their stupor and prove the ultimate recruiting video for Ted Cruz. Maybe it will rally more to his side.
We’re no longer sure. But America, we’re getting worried about you now.