1 | "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"
Your ex isn't reading your self-empowering Instagram quotes.
2 | People posting screen grabs private Whatsapp exchanges between them and their friend
Congratulations, you share a sense of humour with another human being.
3 | "Can't believe it's been 8 years since you left us Grandad, RIP"
Old boy got Facebook in the afterlife, has he?
4 | "Happy birthday to my little man – 4 today! Love you loads, Alfie!"
Alfie on Facebook already, is he? You're a terrible parent.
5 | People posting more than two Instagram pictures in a row
You're not Nicki Minaj.
6 | "This is why we can't have nice things"
Au contraire: people saying 'this is why we can't have nice things' is why we can't have nice things.
7 | "SOME people need to mind their own business…"
"who? u ok hun??"
"nevermind… I'll PM you"
Vaguebook is the worst book.
8 | People who post *grabs some popcorn* at the bottom of a controversial CiF article
Basically the puny kids at school stood in a circle shouting 'Fight! Fight!'
9 | "Views my own, not my employers"
Listen– LISTEN, to us. There is no funny variation on this sentence.
10 | Saying things broke the internet
At this point, the combined power of the world's governments couldn't 'break the internet', so it's safe to say a reality TV star hasn't managed it with a picture of her arse.
11 | "RIP [celebrity]. I saw him in Tesco buying a crème brule once"
Expect you'll be delivering the eulogy, then.
12 | People on Reddit who do that 'My Granddad looking cool, 1958' thing
It's just a random old bloke smoking, isn't it?
13 | "Just having dinner / watching tele / chilling out with this one"
Which one? Your one? The only one? Obi-Wan? Oh, the one you love so much you can't be bothered to type out their name. That one.
14 | "Feeling #blessed"
15 | "This is everything"
Because what the internet really needs is more inane superlatives.
16 | Friends arranging to hang out with each other over Twitter
If you're that close, exchange mobile numbers.