Drones are flying higher, porn is getting realer and the internet is hacking into every aspect of daily life. Technology is taking over.
Of course, it's been doing that since man first chiseled down a rock to make a knife. But a brave new dawn is on the horizon for tech, gadgets and gaming.
Here are the biggest trends set to happen in 2017 – and how they're going to change your life.
1 | Drones will be the new Frisbee
Our parents had kites and Frisbees, but could they deliver pizza to your home, race at 70mph, or shoot each other out of the sky with lasers? Drones are the new Frisbee – and they can already do so much more.
First there's professional drone racing, one of the fastest-growing sports on TV. Forget Lewis Hamilton or Andy Murray; in 2017, your new favourite sports superstar will be a pudgy part-time lab assistant named Ian, or maybe Neil.
Sky Sports has already invested £1m for the rights to air the Drone Racing League – a breakneck festival of neon blurs where racers fly luminous drones around dark warehouses at 70mph using video goggles and remote controls.
But drones do other things too. Google's Project Wing plans to launch its drone delivery service next year, winching parcels, and pizza, down to consumers from the sky.
Drones will also offer frustrated peeping toms a new focus for their depravity, able to spy on bedrooms in ways they never imagined before. They'll do something for everyone.
2 | Gaming is heading for the pubs
There are many beer-loathing British men who refuse to drink anything else come pub time, preferring to wince their way through pints of torment than draw attention to themselves. So you've got to respect the blind ambition of Nintendo for making pick-up-and-play-in-the-pub capability a main selling point in the trailer for their upcoming console.
The 'Switch' is portable, you see, and as shown by the teaser, Nintendo envision us taking it everywhere: plane journeys, rooftop parties, go-karting (?) and, naturally, the ol' watering hole.
The latter might be a step too far - unless you get off on old blokes tutting aggressively and intentionally swilling ale on your expensive kit - but the Japanese gaming giants might be on to something with their new retro, community-based approach to consoles.
Over the past decade multiplayer gaming has relocated online, which usually equates to slobbing out on your settee on your lonesome while a pre-teen Italian says some really upsetting stuff about your mum. It has brought the wrong people closer together, and pushed friends apart.
But as evidenced by the wildly popular Wii back in 2006, localised multiplayer is really where it's at. Amongst mates, jostling in front of one screen, with mum jokes firmly off the table.
As Nintendo's brand new NES Classic Mini sold out in under a day a few weeks ago, maybe there really is a hunger for a more traditional gaming experience. We'll have to wait and see.
3 | Porn is about to get a new reality
Imagine. You're sitting on a stranger's sofa, unable to move or feel. You can look all around the room – identify the books on the shelf, see a bus trundle pass through the window – then you look down to realise... oh, you're inside the perfectly-toned body of another man, having full-blown penetrative sex. Porn is about the get immersive.
Virtual Reality will take off in 2017. The global VR market is projected to reach £10.9 billion in 2017, more than double that of this year. Sony just launched its acclaimed PlayStation VR headgear, while Google is coming up with a new VR platform called Daydream, not to mention its wholesale integration with mobile phones.
No industry is more excited about this than porn. "The entire history of porn has been trying by whatever means available to arrive at this type of experience, and now it's here," Naughty America chief information officer Ian Paul said this year.
Dozens of other smut firms are leaping aboard the bandwagon. Companies like VR Bangers, WankzVR and HoloGirlsVR all say that, by 2017, VR porn will be so readily available that it will become the new mainstream standard.
4 | The internet will hack every aspect of your existence
The idea of the Internet of Things (IoT) has been bandied about for a while. But it's been mostly talk, not much walk. That will change in 2017.
We've put the internet into all sorts of things already – phones, music speaker, cars, watches. Google made a contraption called "Glass".
But what if you could wear the internet: feel it, hear it, taste it? Like, Samsung's Smart Suit, that allows users to unlock their phone, swap business cards digitally and control gadgets with a casual wave of your cuff. Or its solar-panelled purse that charges your phone.
The smart home services market is set to grow, from under £2 billion in 2012, to £10.9 billion next year.
Amazon's robotic personal assistant, Alexa (she comes with Amazon Echo, launched in September. Google has an equivalent called Home) will, at the simple sound of your voice, vacuum your flat, turn up the heating, read you a book, make you a coffee, order you an Uber, or a pizza, and lots more. Think Tony Starks robo-butler J.A.R.V.I.S in Iron Man without the wisecracks.
You could have a smart fridge with cameras inside that tells you how much grub you've got left and when those sausages are off. A BreezoMeter could purify your air.
Don't like the sound of Alexa? You can always employ her much catchier Chinese cousin, LingLong DingDong.
5 | Emojis will change your language forever
Language is old and tired. It takes too long to say, let alone write down, how we feel about things these days; the world is just becoming too fast. Wouldn't it be easier if we could express a complex existential emotion with the simple touch of a button? Like when you're naked in a steam room and only have a moment to tell your friends before the moisture seeps into your iPhone. In 2017, there'll be an emoji for that. Or when you're violently vomiting green bile (or just feel like it)? Emoji? Yep. Maybe you aren't sure if "breastfeed" is one word or two: save yourself the embarrassment and send the new emoji.
By 2017, we won't need language because we'll finally have enough emojis to express every emotion that's ever been expressed. Who needs words, when you've got the "shocked face with an exploding head" emoji?
These are some of the 56 new emojis being rolled out next year by emoji gatekeeper The Unicode Consortium.
And according to a recent survey, 72% of 18-25 year olds prefer to express their feelings via emojis than written word and 29% of all people surveyed used emojis in half of their text messages. Now, Apple has launched an iMac with a dedicated emoji keyboard. Even Dominoes allows users to order pizza with emojis.
But, of course, to really understand how prevalent the new language is becoming, one should always look to the celebrities for guidance. This is how Andy Murray described his wedding day this summer: