There are many reasons to admire Sir Gareth Southgate (it’s only a matter of time), and right now even mild criticism of him is a bit like tripping up The Queen or heckling David Attenborough.
He’s particularly impressive at: being sensible, self-deprecating press conferences, being sensible, preparing set-piece manoeuvres and, his best trait of all, switching to a steely-eyed frown when you’re least expecting it, to remind everyone that this guy from Crawley can be tough as well as decent. And sensible, always sensible.
Except when Gareth - and let’s face it, he could only be called Gareth - decides to wear a waistcoat on the touchline at a match watched by millions across the planet. This is a man who leaves nothing to chance, pores over every detail, takes no decision lightly. And yet he has decided it’s ok to wear a look from the 1997 Next Directory.
Yes there are more important considerations facing the nation, like squad rotation and the form of Raheem Sterling, but it needs to be said that the ‘lonely’ waistcoat is one of menswear’s most depressing items.
Worn without a jacket, it found favour with members of American boy bands throughout the Noughties and has long been a staple move for 17-year-olds who want to dress ‘smart’ for the first time. It’s no surprise that its strongest associations are with snooker players, elderly waiters in failing pizzerias and bon viveur antique dealers.
It’s not for a 47 year-old man attempting to shepherd an international football team through a major tournament in high summer on the baking hot plains of Russia. Frankly, he looks like he’s just knocked off from official ushering duties at a wedding in East Grinstead.
We could forgive him of course, because he’s Gareth, but this is the world stage and for all the verve shown in our football so far, I’m not sure this country can afford to send such a damaging counter message echoing around the world.
Some newspapers have inexplicably praised him for it. However, the most sinister waistcoat wearer of all is the one who has made a deliberate decision to be peacocky about it and is clearly quite smug about showing off how dandy they are.
Surely our Gareth can’t be this guy? It certainly throws up many worrying questions about the character of the man we thought we knew.
Can a waistcoat-wearing manager be trusted to make the right calls in the knock-out stages? Can a man so committed to solitary waistcoat wearing be relied on not to crack as the pressure rises? Is there another side of Gareth Southgate waiting to get out that is the polar opposite of sensible? Time will tell. But it’s worth remembering that the only other man spotted in a waistcoat during this world cup is Colombia’s Rene Higuita.
So please Gareth, make at least one change for the Belgium game and leave your waistcoat in the hotel room.
