This Banned Heinz Beans Advert Is Trying To Hurt The Nation's Children, Apparently

Parental advisory: stay away from the tins

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First there was Isis, then Brexit, then Trump – the world is already a terrifying and dangerous place.

And last night it got that little bit worse, after Heinz put out a new beans advert.

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has banned the toast accessory's latest commercial amid fears it could encourage children to cut themselves.

The ad features a string of talented professional musicians posing as students, a housewife, fishermen, some festival goers and builders expertly flipping, spinning and twirling a Heinz tin can, while tapping out a tune and singing about how much they love beans.

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Heinz may have thought they'd tapped into a winning festive heart-warmer to rival the likes of John Lewis, Sainsburys and M&S. Then nine people wrote to the ASA to complain that children 'could cut their fingers if they tried to copy' the percussionist-actors.

So concerned were the nine complainants that the watchdog was moved to launch an immediate investigation into the matter.

It concluded: "It is unlikely that consumers would be as proficient as the actors at flipping and twirling the cans around."

"We told Heinz to ensure that future ads did not condone or encourage behaviour that prejudiced health and safety, including behaviour that could be dangerous for children to emulate, for example by featuring open tin cans being used to play music."

It also ordered Heinz not to broadcast the ad again in its current form.

Phew - the nation's children are safe once more.