Pulling a sickie is an act of subterfuge fraught with difficulties.
You practise your 'ill voice' before you dial, but what if you take it too far and end up sounding like you're in an am-dram production of Macbeth?
You try and enjoy the day you've scammed for yourself, but what if you forget and post an Instagram of yourself kicking back with a Frappuccino?
And before all that: what's the best illness to try and fake anyway?
In that regard, at least, there is now some guidance.
AXA PPP Healthcare surveyed 1,000 business leaders – bosses, in other words – to ask which excuses they are most inclined to believe.
The 10 top is reassuringly bland, proving the bullshit you concocted about your roof falling in or being bitten by a rare spider is unnecessary.
The most believable excuses for being off work are:
2. Back pain
3. Injury by accident
5. Elective surgery
8. Common cold
10. None of the above
One in four bosses are inclined to believe you have the flu, but that drops to one in five if you're going down the cold, migraine and anxiety route.
Now, go make like Ferris Bueller.