The Donald Trump Guide To Dressing Like A Big Strong Man

How you too can dress like the leader of the free world

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Style? You think you get it, but this guy has the best style. Trademark style. Tremendous style! What do you mean you've never used tape to hold a tie in place? You don't know what you're missing out on. That's an insider tip for you.

Loser.

Yeah, yeah, it's another Donald Trump article, but what are you going to do? It's not our fault that he's so captivating; so charismatic; so stylish.

Read More: How To Be More Like Tom Hardy In 11 Simple Steps

The most suave and popular American president since Ronald Reagan (JF who?), here are all the big time sartorial lessons to be learned from The Donald.

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You're welcome...

Don a big suit

Balenciaga x Le Donald: coming soon
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A bit like Zuckerberg and his shapeless grey t-shirts and dad jeans: Donald Trump subscribes to the 'having-(supposedly)-loads-of-money-but-still-dressing-like-s**t' philosophy of fashion; cutting out the tailor and their (fake!) expertise and instead opting to go it alone.

The result is strong, powerful tailoring for the big, strong man. With wide legs billowing in the free American air and lapels ending whenever he's good and ready for them to end.

And an even bigger tie

How else are you going to keep your tie in place?

The tie certainly isn't going anywhere, either. If anything, it's getting bigger, longer, silkier. So long Don begins to trip on it. So long that he has to throw it over his shoulder at meetings, mealtimes and Finding Dory screenings. So long that Putin can't even look him in the eye anymore. All he can do is stare into the Ferrari-red abyss.

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Be (fleeting) friends with influencers

Donald Trump x YEEZY season 5

Sick of constantly losing out on copping a pair of Yeezy V2's, Donald went straight to the source: inviting none other than Kanye West to his Phallic skyscraper kingdom and thus ensuring that he never missed a limited release ever again.

Never mind that Kanye leaves his WhatsApp messages hanging on two blue ticks now. Never mind that.

Remember pink is a lifestyle, not a trend

Business man. Ladies man. Style man
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Coincidentally, you can expect to see dusty pink hues dominate the streetwear and, inevitably, higher fashion scenes this spring/summer; with brands like COS, Stone Island and Acne Studios reaching for the tonal colour palette.

But Donald wants those effortless Scandi tastemakers to keep their mellow, flattering shades to themselves and the Fjords of Sweden. He wants hot pink. Eighties South Beach pink. A champagne party in faux-Edwardian splendour pink.

Charlatan pink.

Le Donald: Riviera edition
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Turn a practical accessory into a campaign winner

Well you've done it now, haven't you Donald?

You know how it goes: one day you wear a hat with a half-baked xenophobic campaign slogan to stop your grotesque barnet from flying off into the great, barren expanse of the Arizona desert, the next it's become a key tool in winning you a presidential election. It could happen to anyone.

An anti-fashion tool that became both a trademark and a prop to project his fraudulent 'working man' credentials: the 'Make America Great' baseball cap is arguably the most famous cap in the long and storied history of fragile men needing something to conceal their diminishing hairlines.

Which is a bit SAD! when you think about it.

It's our pleasure, Donald.