Why the world was better off without Robin Thicke

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Last week was a good week but we didn't know it then.

Then we only had a hazy notion of who Robin Thicke was.

He was that bloke with that song with all the chicks being half naked and fawning all over him.

Was he Pitbull? No, that’s the bald guy who fawns all over J-Lo.

What about Justin Timberlake? JT has a video with half naked chicks too. Nah, JT’s too classy.

Is he the poor person’s Justin?

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No matter. Not important. Robin who?

Then this week happened. And this week Robin Thicke was the bloke Miley Cyrus twerked all over.

But it is good news that we now know who Robin Thicke is. Because Robin Thicke is a problem. 

Much of the hoopla of the VMAs performance from Sunday night centred on Cyrus and her creepily childish attempt at sex appeal, like an eight-year-old slut-dropping in a Playboy t-shirt.

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Now the thing about a child slut-dropping in a Playboy t-shirt is that someone would stop her and get her back to playing with her American doll collection.

And that person would be her dad.

Robin Thicke is 36, which makes him old enough to be 20-year-old Miley Cyrus’s dad.

But this is the kind of dad who stands mugging for the camera while some baby girl grinds all over him.

Basically: this guy should know better.

Instead, Thicke actively engaged with the weirdness.

Yeah, he can get all the girls. In fact, he will take anything he can get, even if it’s Billy Ray’s offspring dressed like a frozen chicken from Sainsbury’s.

Whatever about that look on her, his was not a good look on a man.

Much has been made about how Thicke's schtick is derogatory to women. 

It is not great for men, either. 

Thicke has form, on the not-a-good-look-on-a-man front.

These include, but are not limited to:

Telling us that you are well endowed, in your pop video, via the medium of helium balloons. But he’s just joking, right?

Telling us that you are well endowed via the lyrics for your new song ‘Give It 2 U’. This guy really needs to sit down with Dr Freud.

An album called Sex Therapy. I don't think he's joking. 

A style borrowed from a 70s pimp. This might be his actual style.

The use of bronzer like this:

Thicke would perhaps argue that he is a cartoon and that pop like his is black and white. He is caveman guy; all the cave girls are naked.

He might argue he is a Lynx ad in pop form. But Lynx ads are funny, and for 15-year-old boys.

He might say he is the male equivalent of Katy Perry, pedaling a randy sex bloke to Perry’s exploding confectionery tits.

But Perry is pantomime. Thicke looks like he needs to believe it. Why else go on about his manhood so goddamn much?

This dude has dragged up old-fashioned ideas about what it is to be man and transplanted it to the top of the charts.

He has reduced us to the stereotype of the drunken lecherous uncle at the wedding, albeit one with badly applied bronzer and the same old requisite wandering hands.

His is a parody of man. The problem is, I'm not sure he's taking the piss.

There is a school of thought in pop that when considering your next move, you should always apply the maxim: what would Beyonce do? Then you go and do that.

For men, there is a new principle to follow as of this week. Ask what would Robin Thicke do. Then do the opposite.

What do you think?

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